Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
