the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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