My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
