She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
