I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
