so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
