I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
