There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
