yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
