I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
