So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
