girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
