so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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