Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
