Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
