It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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