the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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