I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
