I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
