The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
