Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
