I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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