She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
