He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
