just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
