I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
