It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
