My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
