Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
