She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
