Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
