Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
