Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
