It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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