So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
now i know why i became what i already was.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Text me some of your sweat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
