The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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