wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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