thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
