toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
