Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You don't make any sense
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