I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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