went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
