I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
