i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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