OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
