it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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