My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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