So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
