i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
