When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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