no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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