That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
