have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
