I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize