I think I am morally bankrupt
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
