Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
