She said her name was "party"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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