what if every blade of grass was a penis?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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