it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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