White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
