I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
