That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
