some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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