did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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