Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
