I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
