Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
