yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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