Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
birth control should be required to get into college
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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