forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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