I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
