that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
