Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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