Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
time to smoke my breakfast
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
