he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
