i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize