I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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