how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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