Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
