Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
