I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
