I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
