she was so not down for the gang bang
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
