god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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