As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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