OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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