i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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